I sometimes think I should work in book marketing, only I do love translation rather too much to give it up in the foreseeable future. But I have lots and lots of ideas about how to market my translations. When I suggest these things to the publishers their eyes glaze over as they mentally tot up the costs, then they look at their watches and ask me if I'm going anywhere nice on holiday.
So I'll just write them down here instead. My latest idea came to me just now - why not get Caitlin Moran to interview Helene Hegemann at a fantastic event full of balloons? I say this because I just read Moran's inspiring book and found that she went to something she refers to as a "sex club" in Berlin. With Lady Gaga. And seeing there are several sex clubs in Helene Hegemann's forthcoming book Axolotl Roadkill, translated by me, they'd get on like a house on fire. Also Helene's totally into Madonna and Patti Smith, just like Moran - and they're both really funny. And people would attend because they've actually heard of Caitlin Moran. Actually they should go on tour of the whole of the UK, maybe playing in Bingo halls or massage parlours or something a bit louche like that.
Right now I'm working on Simon Urban's Plan D, which is set in a modern-day GDR. For that one, there has to be a big flashy website like Urban's German one, only with more information about things Anglophone readers don't know, like German history. And there should be a launch party at the former East German embassy on Belgrave Square with mock-ups of Urban's imaginary products. And there should be Trabis, actually Simon - and I - should arrive in a Trabi and walk up a red carpet to the event, with a crowd waving East German flags at us. There should be nibbles, obviously, inspired by the novel: currywurst and scallops. And beer.
There's another one I can't talk about quite yet, for which there has to be a huge version of FSG's Nerd Jeopardy. Touring the UK and the US, and Germany for good measure. The prizes will be heavy metal T-shirts.